Our New Constitution as Seen By The General

Friday, January 27, 2006

The fallback position

It looks like Our Leader's agenda will continue even if French senators suddenly grow a spine and filibuster Judge Alito. I can't tell you who gave me this, but Sen. Frist is ready to introduce these amendments to the Amendments if needed.

Amendment I

Congress shall make no law without the expressed approval of the executive or his deputy chief of staff. respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

Amendment II

A well regulated militia A confident male citizenry, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people white, Christian men to keep and bear arms of very large caliber with long, hardened, masculine barrels, shall not be infringed.

Amendment III

No soldier fighting keyboarder shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house required to leave his basement for the purpose of procuring Cheetos, without first receiving from his mother, a sum equivalent to the cost of a single family sized or six "Big Grab" bags the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but with the additional funds equivalent to the cost of a six-pack of Mountain Dew and a package of pepperoni in a manner to be prescribed by law.

Amendment IV

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures is a pre-9/11 concept that is inoperative for as long as the most patriotic citizens continue to wet their pants at the sight of a brown person. shall not be violated, and nNo warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause the whim of the executive or his deputy chief of staff, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the ideological leanings, degree of browness, or resale value of persons or things to be seized.

Amendment V

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment of browness or or a need to demonstrate success in a war against an intangible quality indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, incidents that may cause embarrassment to the executive or his deputy chief of staff or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war, or public danger, period of fear or in the face of declining poll numbers; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb unless the previous instance of jeopardy resulted in acquittal; nor, unless brown or non-Christian shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor unless brown or non-Christian be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, for purposes other than to build a baseball stadium for the executive without just compensation.

Amendment VI

In all criminal prosecutions of white, Christian males, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense. Should the defendant be brown and Muslim, he has the right to be held indefinitely while being raped with glowsticks as long as the pain to which he is subjected approaches, but is not equivalent to, that which accompanies organ failure.

Amendment VII

In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the plaintiff is a greedy litigious bastard and is therefore granted all of the rights afforded to brown people under Amendment VI. the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise reexamined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.

Amendment VIII

Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted unless such actions will generate ratings for the O'Reilly Factor equivalent to those generated by a missing white woman.

Amendment IX

The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the executive people.

Amendment X

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the executive exclusively states respectively, or to his deputy chief of staff or Alexander Haigthe people.
posted by Gen. JC Christian, Patriot | 3:15 AM
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